Hollywood Dictionary

New word of the day: Chandelier.  Ok I know, its not a new word, but I came up with a whole new meaning for it.  


A chandelier is usually beautiful.  Adds to the beauty of a room.  It sparkles and shines and is usually pretty expensive!  It's usually admired and displayed in extravagant homes.  Wiki definition: A chandelier is a branched decorative ceiling-mounted light fixture with two or more arms bearing lights. Chandeliers are often ornate, containing dozens of lamps and complex arrays of glass or crystal prisms to illuminate a room with refracted light. 

We all know what a trophy wife is.  Usually young and attractive, and is regarded as a status symbol for a husband. But what if this man doesn't marry her.  What do you call her?  A chandelier.  Try it on for size.  Yup it works.  You're welcome.  Make sure to use it in a sentence this week.


Bonus word of the day: Goldfish*. Referring to girls in their early 20's. They are easily distracted and have problems concentrating.  Easy to train. Like shiny, sparkly things.  They usually last for 4-6 months, then you have to flush them down the toilet and get a new one.  
*Special thanks to Maurice James for this one! 

Quicksand

I was asleep on a beach and suddenly woke up to see a submarine periscope coming thru the sand in front of my body.  Not sure who was laying near me but I shook them awake to see this.  We both looked in shock!  I suggested I grab my camera and take a picture with a bright flash into the scope to blind whoever was spying on us.  We settled on putting our hands over the scope.  It suddenly stopped scanning the area and withdrew itself into the sand.  As it went under, I put my hand over the hole and could feel the water bubbling up from it.  Then slowly the hole was gone as the water and sand mixture molded back to a flat surface under my hand.

Then I woke up.  It felt so real!  So here I am awake at 3am.  I'm waiting for the benadryl to start working....damn allergies to cats.  It feels like I have sand in my lungs.

Anyhow, I was laying here thinking how amazing it is when you actually take control of your life.  Declaring and creating possibilities for yourself.  I've always been scared to take a stand for myself and what I wanted.  Trying to stay under the radar where life is safe.  But damn, that's boring.  I would get damn right embarrassed when someone took notice.  That fear has kept me from relationships and a career of my dreams.  I've always been a great promoter for others but not myself.

But those days are over.  

I was talking to someone I used to date years ago and he said I never spoke up about what I wanted.  Never took a stand.  He's so right.  I thought I was by being "the cool chick who never spoke up or questions anything".  I was passive.  People do things in ways to "prove" how they feel instead of just SAYING it.  I have a ton of guy friends and they've dated girls that have cleaned their apts, cooked dinner, bought groceries, did the laundry, etc when they came over.  But never did they say what they wanted from the guys.  They thought by doing this stuff, the guy would see how great they were and say  you're the one.  To this day, I've never seen a situation like that work out.

I finally took a stand and declared what I want.  No more casual relationships.  I want something real, long lasting, committed.  That's the goal I'm working towards.  I'm not asking for it all now but I'm putting it out there.  I know the energy I've put it there has been casual.  Saying stupid shit like "I don't want anything serious", "Not sure if I ever want to get married", blah blah blah.  I call bullshit on myself. "Buwlsheit, Buwlsheit, Buwlsheit."  I said all that because I was scared of conflict and failure.  But great love, takes great risk.  And the risk is worth the love.     

Time to take a stand and say what you want.  What's the worst someone is going to say?  No.  That's it.  No.  Are we all so scared to hear the word No, that we just stopped asking?  Stopped going after our dreams because we're too scared to hear No?  Guess what hearing No means.....NOTHING!  It doesn't change who you are or what you believe in.  You keep moving on towards your dreams and bypass the people who don't believe in you and your dreams.  

So instead of continuing to let my life sink in the quicksand, I'm molding the sand in my hand and creating the possibilities for greatness in my life.  And you can continue to use your periscope to spy on me and I promise not to blind you with a flash......but I will be a bright shiny light.

Being unreasonable

So I'm transformed.  If you haven't attended Landmark, you probably don't understand what I mean.  No I haven't changed, I'm still me....but I probably won't react the same way you've known me to.

So the first thing I did was delete my online dating site.  Yes, its been down for 3 weeks now.  First thing I realized, I was being unauthentic!  Umm, that means I'm not being the true me.  I came to realize that I wasn't meeting quality people on the site but only hanging onto it for "something to do" and "for the attention".   Honestly, I had no intentions of meeting anyone else off the site.

The biggest realization....all this bitching I've done....I've created all these situations.  I choose to be that person that attracted those men.  It's what I was putting out into the universe.  A person who REALLY wants a relationship and a good person in their life, puts out a certain energy.  I've lacked that energy for years.  It all is for the positive....I've sowed my "wild oats", sorry Mom.  :)

Best part about Landmark, getting complete with people and creating possibilities.  Everything is now possible.  I love it!  Sorry if you caught the brunt end of the stick lately. I will tell you exactly what I want and expect from you.  But I am finally being authentic!

No apologizes.  But Hi, this is me.  Nice to meet you, finally!