That "it" factor

So wow, it's been almost a year since I've been officially single.  I thought I was in a relationship up until a year ago is more like it.  But we won't go there, it's just semantics.

I've gone through the normal mistakes of a break-up.  Trying too quickly to get into another relationship.  Pushing away good guys and diving into bad boys.  But that's the normal course of events.  Nothing too shocking there.

But after a year of soul searching, finding myself again, analyzing my past relationships...where have I found myself?  Confused, jaded, confident, sure of myself and still alone.  I've gained so much but yet gained so little.  I've dated, tried people on for size but yet nothing fit.  Or maybe they weren't my size at the time.  I fluctuate a lot.

Is there an appropriate time frame that someone can be single without losing "it"?  You know, "it".  That thing that makes you good in a relationship?  The qualities that men used to love about me and said "if I was ready to get married, you'd be perfect." Gag, I just threw up writing that.  For all the men that said that, go fuck yourself.  Selling false hope is bullshit.  You should be ashamed.

Getting back to that "it" factor.  Have I lost it?  Is it something I can regain?  And when I heard the other day "I can tell you haven't been in a relationship in a long time or were hurt really bad", my chest hurt.  Is that the nail in my coffin or my wake up call?  Well I took it as a wake up call.  Cuz I'm far too young and hot to have a nail in my coffin.  haha.

Since I've been single I stopped acting interest or into anyone.  It was my defense.  So now I have to learn to open up again and take risks.  It's funny, I tell my friends "Great love takes great risk" but yet I never put myself at risk anymore.

And no this isn't me opening back up....but I'll take baby steps.  Now all its gonna take is a grand gesture, some blood, finger prints and a background check.  Are you down?