I won't be your rebound.

A year ago when I broke up with my "boyfriend", I met someone new the same day.   And instantly in my mind, I was in a new relationship.  I went from 0-60 in 2.4 seconds.  All my friends were urging me to take some time to myself but I argued that this "new relationship" felt so right. What an idiot I was.  I was giving him all the respect and courtesies that you need get over time, not right away.   And he was not even the right guy for me!  So far from it!  He was my rebound.

The biggest mistake people make is not taking enough time for themselves in between relationships.  Because what they end up doing is dragging the past relationship into the new one. Your bring your expectations into the next relationship.  And guess what?  The new person in your life doesn't owe you anything.  And you have no right to get mad at them.  

When someone told me this the first time, I didn't get it.  I was angry and thought they were just mean.  And yes, people should be courteous.  In no way shape or form am I saying that gives anyone the right to be a douchebag.  

So when you are just getting out of a relationship and hitting the dating scene, I have a few tips for you.  These will help you not scare away a potential.

When you just meet someone, don't send them a text saying you are thinking about them, missing them, etc the day after you meet them.  You don't know them to miss them.  And any thoughts you have of them, are not real thoughts!  They are thoughts you have made up in your mind about them.  Don't call to just "check in".  Have a reason for your call; setting up a date or confirming plans.  

And if you are newly single and someone makes an off the cuff remark about maybe hanging out this weekend take it as just that.  You may or may not hang out this weekend.  Don't keep your schedule open for them.  Unless someone says, this Saturday at 8pm lets go to dinner, then take it as is.  And don't get mad if you don't hear from them.   

I've watched myself and friends make these mistakes and cringe.  And I have had guys pull this on me.  And guess what, I RUN and run fast.  I don't want to be your rebound or hold your hand through your last break-up.  

Love the google searches that led people to my blog!

These are actually searches done on Google that led people to my blog! Someone typed this into the search engine and were led to my blog. Gotta love it! I think these are the next 5 topics of my blogs!!!  

1. be busy when guy finally picks up the phone  

2. how many times is to many to text a guy w/ no response

3. i won't have time to meet you 

4. i wont talk until i know you  

5. would a booty call kiss you and call you tell you yes he misses you

What one should I blog about first???? I think I love #5 but tell me what you think!!!!

The Puma, Not yet a Cougar

I've always wanted older men, late 30's, early 40's.  They are established, settled and know exactly what they want.  But that back fires.  They've established a life on their own.  And trying to worm your way into it is beyond hard.  They are comfortable being just how they are, they don't need you. It seems like the last few guys I have dated are like this.  They are happy with things just the way they are.  And are happy living the "bachelor" life forever.

So now I'm zoning in on the younger guys.  It didn't occur to me until recently but I am!  Every guy I have met lately is young!  And it brings me to the harsh realization that they are closer to my younger brothers age than mine.  WTF!  I tend to refer to them as "my brother's friend".  But I still wrestle with the logistics of it all.  I totally could have been their babysitter!  Or could have changed their diapers!  

How do men not think of these things when dating younger women??  Men date women that could be their daughters and don't blink an eye lash.  They date women that are the same age their own children!  And I'm worried about a 10 year age difference because of my younger brother.  

Maybe I keep meeting younger guys because I'm getting younger...you know, like Benjamin Button?  LOL!  Or the company I keep...all my girls are younger than I am.  Either way, I need to get over this "his too young for me" crap.  

Hmmmm, so who wants to be my first young victim???  mmmuuuuhhhhhaaaaaa!!!

20's vs 30's

I spent my 20’s trying to show men what a good wife I would make. Cooking for them, keeping my house in order, etc. Because if they saw how awesome I was, maybe they would marry me, commit to me. Seriously, I would keep my place sparkling all the time. Always offering to cook dinner. If I started dating someone I wouldn’t go out as much. They wouldn’t want a girl who was a party girl, right? Had to play up the “image” of what a good “wifey” would do.

Now that I’m in my 30’s….times have change. I can’t remember the last time I cooked for a guy! LOL!! My apartment looks like I live there now. It’s not dirty but it sure doesn’t sparkle ever day. And honestly, if you can fit into my schedule, we can hang out. Yes, I’m going out tonight and no you can’t come. You have to earn my time. Time is precious.

I come to realize I spent all those years trying to show what a good wife I would make instead of looking for the man who would make a good husband! And now, who knows if I’ll even get married. The importance of that has dwindled. Yes, a relationship is important to me but I won’t sell myself short. I have a lot to give. But it won’t be given to just anyone.

That’s the joy of age. You stop caring about what other people think. It’s so freeing. In the past few years I’ve grown into this person. I like me, actually I love me. I look back at the old me and cringe.

So as my birthday is just a few days away, I will embrace it. And I look forward to the lessons I learn this year.