We're so retro.

I am sure you noticed the 80's are back.  The colored Ray Ban glasses, skinny jeans, paint splattered shirts, high-top sneaker, etc.  But the best part of the 80's that came back is making out!  OMG, want to feel young again?  Here's what you do:

1. Spot a really hot boy.

2. Totally flirt with him.

3. Get his number.

4. Flirt over the phone.

5. Invite him over when you parents are out, hee hee.

6. Act really coy and shy.

7. Lean towards him and twirl you hair.

8. Let him kiss you.

9. Make sure he doesn't touch your private places.

10.  Right before he is about to leave (because your parents are coming home soon), give him a sneak peak and shove his ass out the door.

11. Giggle.

12. Talk on the phone while he is on his way home telling him naughty things.

It's the instant way to feel young again.  Nothing to feel dirty about.  All you did was kiss.  And then tomorrow, repeat steps 1-12.  

(Insert Name Here) WAS HERE 5/27/09.

Now-a-day’s nothing is private. Your shizz is on blast 24/7. No matter how hard you try and keep it on the down low, it still comes out.

My favorite type of girl is the one that posts comments on dude’s pages, so that every other female will know about them. Are you that insecure with yourself that you have to put it out there like that? It’s the subtle comments that make it known that; yes, he knows you and yes, you are kicking it. But if it was something more, don’t you think HE would make it known? Are you really scraping for that little bit of recognition?

Once I have an official relationship, believe me, I’ll be the first to post a comment on my man’s page. You know the ones that make you want to throw up a little in your mouth when you read? But until that day, I keep it strictly clean. And why would I want to salt my own game, lol.

But I get it. You want any other females to know you were there. You are writing your name on the bathroom wall “I WAS HERE”. Which in fact is so classy. Hold on, I need to go write my name on the wall now. BRB. OK, I’m back. So cute, I dotted my i’s with hearts. Swoon.

Yes, the dating game is harsh. And you feel you need to stake you claim on someone. And yes, maybe, you being so territorial MIGHT get you a little extra time in the beginning. But the relationships that happen organically and unforced are the ones that last. So go ahead and keep looking like a desperate little girl, while I sit back like a grown woman sipping on my wine. And like fine wine, I get better with age. Here’s to my girlies in their 30’s.

(Note: Nothing set me off, just blogging.)

Sending smoke signals.

Have you ever noticed that when you move on or better yet, getting it on, your ex randomly calls? Are they spying on you? Or is it some internal alarm that goes off triggering them to pick up the phone and call?

So last night I was hanging out with this hot man, we'll call him Mr. Big.  After Mr. Big left, I checked my phone.  Why did my ex (who I haven't spoke with in months) call me multiple times after 3am? He called from his cell and his house line.  I sent a text back because really, I have no desire to open up any line of communication with him.  But I was concerned as to why he was calling.  His dumb ass replies "Who is this?". And before I could reply, he calls.  He asks "Who is this?". REALLY DOUCHEBAG????  Not only did you call me from your cell but also your house phone. So therefore, you know EXACTLY WHO THE FUCK THIS IS!  He then denied calling me.  So I said "Awesome, LATE." and hung up the phone.  I then got a call back, and "Who the fuck do you think you are, BITCH."  Click.  Seriously?????  I mean, I get it.  I am fucking amazing and you miss me.  But fuck head, you are so last year.   And how do you accidently call me from 2 different lines?  I doubt your house phone is able to butt dial anyone!!!  You looked my number up in your cell and dialed it from your house line.  Yes my dear, you are an idiot.  

But what is the deal with ex's calling at really inconvenient times?  How the hell do they know? After a fun night a few weeks ago, the next day, I had 3 blasts from my past call within minutes of each other!  Did I send a signal into the atmosphere?  Mr. Big said the same thing has been happening to him....do all these people have trackers on us?  Do the sense the fact that we are having a good time without them????  If so, good!  In your face (.)(.)!!!

Opps that wasn’t meant for you!

You hit send and then happen to glance at the sent to name….oh shizz!!!! Sheer panic sets in. Hurry! Think fast!! What am I going to say??? I only have about 30 seconds to get my story straight before that “WTF?!?” text comes back.

A few years ago, it was 2am and I was awoken by a text from a guy I was dating, “Miss you babe”. I fumbled with my phone trying to reply. My tired brain couldn’t figure out how so I just started a new message. “Miss you too!! Wish you were here with me. Xxoo” Send. My blurry vision cleared and my heart stopped. “No, I did not send that message to my BOSSES’ BOSS!!!!!????” From a dead sleep, I was now awake and panicking. He’s married what if his wife sees that? OMG, what is he going to say to me? Do I send another one and say “Opps, that wasn’t meant for you!”? 5, then 10 minutes go by and no response. Maybe he didn’t see it. Of course he did! He sleeps with his phone (company policy). Its 2am, he’ll know it was an accident, right? Nothing was mentioned for weeks. Am I in the clear? Finally my boss tells me that his boss was under the assumption I was dating one of my managers with the same first initial. Which was far from the truth so we laughed.

But how many times have you gotten a text from a guy/girl and knew it wasn’t meant for you???? My girl just caught this guy in a total lie. They were texting back and forth earlier in the day. Then all the sudden he sends “I miss you. Wish you were here.” So she forwards it to him and asks what was this for. And you want to know his excuse? “I didn’t send that message to you or anyone. The lines must have gotten crossed and the message just says it’s from my phone.” Are you kidding me???? Anyone in telecom reading this please let me know if that is possible. Because as far as I know from my 3 years at T-Mobile, can’t happen! And of course he did the whole back peddle and tried to turn it around on her! Really, we aren't dumb douchebags! One time my ex sent me a text from NY "Are you ready for me baby?". I sent back a "WTF?". "I'll be back in a few days just making sure you'll be ready." Dumbass!

Boys, if you are going to be a “player” keep your game tight! Keep your girls straight! And stop slippin!!! Until next time, keeps "sexting"! :)

Matter of perception.

A few months ago I randomly met this guy. He wasn’t necessarily my type but I agreed to go have brunch with him. Prior to the brunch he sent emails and texts saying how excited he was that I agreed. Nice guy but here is where he went wrong.
(Damn, I wish I had the text message log but I only have the email chain to reference.)
2/5 – Asks me out on date.
2/6 – I agree to brunch
2/8 – Brunch date. He proceeds to ask very personal questions. And keeps talking about my eyes. He could tell it was making me uncomfortable but proceeded! I clam up and after brunch and run to my car.
2/9 – Email asking how the rest of my day was after brunch.
2/9 – Email “By the way, I must tell you that you have some of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen...the color and the depth” Ummm, he told me that at brunch about 10x. At this point, I am irritated.
2/9 – Email “p.s. you don’t like compliments do you? LOL” I do, but not the same one over and over again!!!!
This went on and on for about a week. Finally I just said I didn’t have that connection I needed and wished him the best of luck.

So if this guy would have paid attention to my comfort level and slowed his roll, who knows. But I ran for the hills and FAST! He took the nice guy to a douche-bag level. He wasn’t paying attention to the fact he was making me uncomfortable. He was only considered with his own agenda. And when I explained he was making me uncomfortable here was his response “I'm sorry...I'm Italian...and when I feel something I usually express it ;-) whether it my appreciation or disapproval of something...LOL”. Really???????

For the love of a douche-bag.

When did this shift in thinking happen? Women no longer want that nice guy who sends cute messages and flowers. But we want that guy who is careless and leaves traces of the last female at his house. It’s such a screwed up way of thinking but most of us are guilty of it.

You meet a really nice guy. He calls. He’s on time. He engages you in conversation trying to learn more about you. Oh and then he remembers the past conversations you had!

You meet a huge douche-bag. He only texts. You don’t have to worry about him being on time because you always have to go to him. While you talk to him, he’s on his phone texting and nodding like he’s listening. And you are always repeating yourself.

We all cry about finding that nice guy but when we do, we run. We don’t know how to deal with how nice they are. They are accused of being fake and hiding something. “There’s no way he can be this nice!” And we get irritated by it. WTF is that about!?!

Why have we all developed this deep rooted desire to be treated like shit? I’m over that.

New Rules:
1. YOU have to call at least once a week to talk on the phone. We are all busy but if you want to get to know me, pick up the phone. We all have a few minutes in the day!
2. I know you are dating other people, but don’t rub it in my face. Do you come to my house and see evidence? No, you don’t. So don’t leave any for me. It’s really easy. Put that lipstick covered wine glass in the dishwasher and not in the sink. And guys, swiffer the bathroom floor! Last time I checked, I am not a blonde. And if there are long blonde hairs on the floor, swiffer them. It’s really that simple.