Taking responsibility.

I've spent so many years pointing fingers, making excuses.  I do something ghetto "I'm from the bay".  I do something goofy "I'm left handed".  I do something crazy "I'm Sicilian".  Someone asks "Why are you still single?"  "Cuz dudes are douchebags."

Well I'm finally going to take responsibility for my singleness.

Yes, its MY fault I'm still single.  No one's fault but mine.  The energy I throw out there is a single, party girl who just wants to have fun.  I don't put myself in situations that are conducive to meeting my "one".  This is my self realization moment.

I'm not changing who I am.  But I'm changing the vibe I'm sending out into the world.  I'm still going to be me because I love who I am.  I love going out, having fun with my friends.  That's not changing.  I'm still going to be crazy and blame a lot of my actions on being left-handed, Sicilian and from the bay because that's me.  But I'll no longer blame me being single on anyone but me.

I believe in the Law of Attraction.  And what I've been attracting is the guys looking for nothing more than a moment.  I'm looking for more than that moment.  And I haven't been putting out that vibe for a long time now.

I've actually started making these changes already.  I've switched up my routine and how I go about doing things.  I know my old ways just weren't working....I wasn't happy.  So I'm taking myself out of my comfort zone to find the results I want.  I know it won't be easy but nothing worth having ever is.  Great love takes great risk.

That "it" factor

So wow, it's been almost a year since I've been officially single.  I thought I was in a relationship up until a year ago is more like it.  But we won't go there, it's just semantics.

I've gone through the normal mistakes of a break-up.  Trying too quickly to get into another relationship.  Pushing away good guys and diving into bad boys.  But that's the normal course of events.  Nothing too shocking there.

But after a year of soul searching, finding myself again, analyzing my past relationships...where have I found myself?  Confused, jaded, confident, sure of myself and still alone.  I've gained so much but yet gained so little.  I've dated, tried people on for size but yet nothing fit.  Or maybe they weren't my size at the time.  I fluctuate a lot.

Is there an appropriate time frame that someone can be single without losing "it"?  You know, "it".  That thing that makes you good in a relationship?  The qualities that men used to love about me and said "if I was ready to get married, you'd be perfect." Gag, I just threw up writing that.  For all the men that said that, go fuck yourself.  Selling false hope is bullshit.  You should be ashamed.

Getting back to that "it" factor.  Have I lost it?  Is it something I can regain?  And when I heard the other day "I can tell you haven't been in a relationship in a long time or were hurt really bad", my chest hurt.  Is that the nail in my coffin or my wake up call?  Well I took it as a wake up call.  Cuz I'm far too young and hot to have a nail in my coffin.  haha.

Since I've been single I stopped acting interest or into anyone.  It was my defense.  So now I have to learn to open up again and take risks.  It's funny, I tell my friends "Great love takes great risk" but yet I never put myself at risk anymore.

And no this isn't me opening back up....but I'll take baby steps.  Now all its gonna take is a grand gesture, some blood, finger prints and a background check.  Are you down?

Is that your finger or are you just happy to see me?

Didn’t your Mom teach you not to poke people? It’s rude. So why do you think its ok to poke me on Facebook? Better yet, why the hell do they have a poke feature??? And why is it now suggesting people I should poke. I’m sorry….yeah, no.

Last time I checked, poking wasn’t a way of flirting. That is unless you’re 5. So if that is how you are choosing to flirt, grow up. Was that feature put on there to be used as a flirting tool? A wink would have been better but Match.com already used that one.

To me, the poke is like the guy who grabs your arm in the club. You didn’t notice him on your own, so he’s going to grab you so you can get a look at him. The look I usually give is the death stare and jerk my arm away. The best I can do on Facebook is click “Remove poke”.

What’s your status?

Isn’t it funny, one of the hardest parts of a new relationship is deciding when it’s ok to change your status to “in a relationship” on Facebook. It’s like your formal announcement to the world that you are no longer single and off the market. Then the next big thing is stating who you are in that relationship with!

I’ve had so many friends ask me when it is ok to change it. My reply has always been “ask your partner!” If you don’t feel comfortable asking them that, then you aren’t that sure about your relationship. Let things happen organically. When its time, you’ll know.

But I have to say, it is so cute seeing all my friends getting into relationships now. Quite a few in past few weeks! So congratulations all. I couldn’t be any happier for you. My favorite part is watching it go from singlein a relationshipengagedmarried. Gives this girl a little hope…..

Personally my status is hidden just so people can’t search for single females on the internet and find me. I’m not on social media to find a date. But I guess if I did find myself in a relationship, I would unhide it. Really, did you think I wouldn’t? Come on now, when I find love, I’m going to be the first to scream it from the top of a mountain!

The idea of you.

It happens all the time.  Boy meets girl.  It clicks.  Feels so right.  Girl starts planning their future.  Boy starts planning on how to get in her pants.

That's the big difference between men and women.  Although, I will say, I have met men who acted more like a female that I do.  Which at times isn't saying much since I'm like a guy....but with really big boobs.  Anyhow, getting back to my point...we as women make the mistake of making an imaginary future life with men the minute we meet them.  Making plans in our head of how things are going to be.   Then being hurt when the guy doesn't do what we made up in our heads.  How twisted is that???

It's because you fell in love with the idea of him.  You don't know him or what he's all about.  So the enamored feeling you have for him isn't real.   It's like when you're a kid and read about prince charming...you love the idea of a man on a horse coming to save you.  But this is reality.  It doesn't work that way.

People in general need to stop forcing things in life.  Let things happen organically.  Don't project your past onto new people in your life.  Be secure with who you are.  Get to know people...I mean really get to know them.  Let them show who they really are.  Then fall in love with the true them...not the person you think they are.

From Seat Filler to Leading Lady.

Have you ever felt like you were just filling a need in someone’s life until they found the leading star in this movie we call love? I think we are all guilty of casting someone to fill the seat until the perfect person comes along.

The person is usually a pretty amazing person but there’s something just missing. They don’t have that j'nai se qua about them. But rather than being alone, we hang out with this person who is not your ideal.

We pick people out of loneliness, convenience, lust and boredom. Believe me, I’ve picked people for these reasons and know I’ve been selected for the same. It’s almost an unspoken agreement. We both know what our purpose is and we deal with it. But sometimes its one sided.

How do you know if you were their seat filler? Well, have you ever been in what you thought was a lasting relationship and then all of the sudden your significant other breaks up with you and BAM they’re engaged to someone within 6 months? Yeah, guess what? You were their seat filler. Don’t feel bad…it’s happened to us all.

But one day, that BAM moment will happen for you. And it too will be magical, I hope. 

Insecurity is not attractive.

Insecurity is one of the biggest turn offs. Always looking for reassurance and confirmation of someone’s feelings is the quickest way to turn someone off. Don’t ask me over and over again if I miss you. Guess what, I did, but now that you’ve asked me everyday…I no longer miss you. I’m actually kind of sick of you now. Go ahead; keep asking when you’re going to see me again. My answer will turn from soon to never in a heartbeat.
Why question every word out of my mouth? Insecurity usually comes from past experiences. Deal with those issues and move on. But don’t project your issues onto someone else. There is nothing attractive about a grown man saying “You’ll probably never call me again.” Really??? We just had a good time. Now I probably won’t.
I never understood this when I was younger. My ex used to tell me that if you keep accusing someone of doing something, eventually they’ll do it. Accusing him of cheating might make him cheat. Because guess what, he’s already getting accused of it…might as well be doing it. You think he is and you’re staying with him. So what would really change if he was cheating???
When I was younger, I had this self destructing behavior. A self fulfilling prophecy. It’s a sad way to live. Always thinking of doom and gloom. It’s like the Secret, if you believe it to be it true, it will be true. Now it’s your choice to think positive or negative. I choose positive. And everything happens exactly the way it’s supposed to; sometimes the road is just a little bumpy to your final destination.