Show your cards

I have to say, the best part of dating is going out with your dates. Seeing their taste in food, how much thought they put into planning the night, how the interact with the people you come into contact with and how they treat you in public. These things are so important. They show you if you have anything to build a relationship on.

Will you have the same taste in food/music/life? If they show you something new, will they be a good teacher? Someone who makes your feel comfortable in a situation you're unfamiliar with?Trying something new and having a great experience can lead to a serious bond! And it shows that they put some thought into what they thought you would enjoy trying/experiencing with them. They payed attention to things you have mentioned, your likes and dislikes.

This is key information you need to know about someone you are interested in. Stuff you won't learn by them sitting on your sofa. Sitting on your sofa comes after they have taken you out. I'm not saying they need to spend mad money on you, but they at least have to attempt to take you out. It's the bonding process. Once you've bonded, then you can rent movies and order in.

Can I be your junkie?

So I was just talking with my friend, who unfortunately has almost the same name as my ex-douchebag. He was commenting on my dating ways. Guys seem to have a 6 week shelf life with me. Those of you I have dated are nodding in sync at this moment. If you made it further than that, congratulations! Now, pat yourself on the back as you have achieved something most do not.

I think it takes about 6 weeks to actually get to know someone. At that time you evaluate a few key things about if this relationship can continue. Are your values the same? Are you still having FUN? Do they have a quality that is more annoying than cute? Do they fit into your life? And vice versa? Are your friends/family supportive of this new mate? Do you have passion?

The most important thing I am looking for, that “I can’t get enough of you” feeling. We’ve all experienced that feeling. Sometimes, scratch that, most of the time, its one sided. Sometimes it happens at different times. One person experiences it, you are their drug. Then right as they start kicking their habit, the roles reverse. Then most part ways.

For the lucky few, it happens simultaneously. Birds chirping, hearts pumping, can’t get enough. That moment when you say “OMG, we’ve seen each other every day for 2 straight weeks! And I still want to see you tonight.” The first night apart seems like hell and you stay on the phone talking/texting each other until you fall asleep. It doesn’t seem like a chore hanging out or making plans. It just is.

You either have it or you don’t. It can’t be forced. You can’t make someone feel something they just don’t. It happens naturally and organically.

Stiff arming since 1977

“I’m best known for throwing the Heisman.” That was my headline on MySpace after I was told that two times in the same week. I got the silliest responses. Some people thought I actually threw the Heisman trophy! Really, don’t you think you would have read about that somewhere and my picture would have been posted all over the world, “Dumb bitch grabbed the trophy and threw it?!” Honestly, the trophy weighs 25lbs; do you really think I could throw it? If so, thanks for that vote of confidence!
I was told this because I would just push people away and run. I avoided getting emotionally involved with anyone. The football was my heart and I would stiff arm anyone who dared to get close to me.
Have I changed, no not much. But now I have a new outlook on my behavior. I reacted this way because deep down I knew these men were not right for me. And the timing was off. What I was ready for and what they were ready for were not in sync.
Timing is EVERYTHING! A different time, a different place, sure things could have worked. But looking back, there isn’t anyone I have any what if’s about. Things are exactly the way they are supposed to be. Guys I have dated have moved on and I am happy for their relationships. I usually remain on good terms with all of them. And I am confident that throwing the Heisman was the best move.
Until I meet my match, I’ll keep stiff arming the toads.

I won't be your rebound.

A year ago when I broke up with my "boyfriend", I met someone new the same day.   And instantly in my mind, I was in a new relationship.  I went from 0-60 in 2.4 seconds.  All my friends were urging me to take some time to myself but I argued that this "new relationship" felt so right. What an idiot I was.  I was giving him all the respect and courtesies that you need get over time, not right away.   And he was not even the right guy for me!  So far from it!  He was my rebound.

The biggest mistake people make is not taking enough time for themselves in between relationships.  Because what they end up doing is dragging the past relationship into the new one. Your bring your expectations into the next relationship.  And guess what?  The new person in your life doesn't owe you anything.  And you have no right to get mad at them.  

When someone told me this the first time, I didn't get it.  I was angry and thought they were just mean.  And yes, people should be courteous.  In no way shape or form am I saying that gives anyone the right to be a douchebag.  

So when you are just getting out of a relationship and hitting the dating scene, I have a few tips for you.  These will help you not scare away a potential.

When you just meet someone, don't send them a text saying you are thinking about them, missing them, etc the day after you meet them.  You don't know them to miss them.  And any thoughts you have of them, are not real thoughts!  They are thoughts you have made up in your mind about them.  Don't call to just "check in".  Have a reason for your call; setting up a date or confirming plans.  

And if you are newly single and someone makes an off the cuff remark about maybe hanging out this weekend take it as just that.  You may or may not hang out this weekend.  Don't keep your schedule open for them.  Unless someone says, this Saturday at 8pm lets go to dinner, then take it as is.  And don't get mad if you don't hear from them.   

I've watched myself and friends make these mistakes and cringe.  And I have had guys pull this on me.  And guess what, I RUN and run fast.  I don't want to be your rebound or hold your hand through your last break-up.  

Love the google searches that led people to my blog!

These are actually searches done on Google that led people to my blog! Someone typed this into the search engine and were led to my blog. Gotta love it! I think these are the next 5 topics of my blogs!!!  

1. be busy when guy finally picks up the phone  

2. how many times is to many to text a guy w/ no response

3. i won't have time to meet you 

4. i wont talk until i know you  

5. would a booty call kiss you and call you tell you yes he misses you

What one should I blog about first???? I think I love #5 but tell me what you think!!!!

The Puma, Not yet a Cougar

I've always wanted older men, late 30's, early 40's.  They are established, settled and know exactly what they want.  But that back fires.  They've established a life on their own.  And trying to worm your way into it is beyond hard.  They are comfortable being just how they are, they don't need you. It seems like the last few guys I have dated are like this.  They are happy with things just the way they are.  And are happy living the "bachelor" life forever.

So now I'm zoning in on the younger guys.  It didn't occur to me until recently but I am!  Every guy I have met lately is young!  And it brings me to the harsh realization that they are closer to my younger brothers age than mine.  WTF!  I tend to refer to them as "my brother's friend".  But I still wrestle with the logistics of it all.  I totally could have been their babysitter!  Or could have changed their diapers!  

How do men not think of these things when dating younger women??  Men date women that could be their daughters and don't blink an eye lash.  They date women that are the same age their own children!  And I'm worried about a 10 year age difference because of my younger brother.  

Maybe I keep meeting younger guys because I'm getting younger...you know, like Benjamin Button?  LOL!  Or the company I keep...all my girls are younger than I am.  Either way, I need to get over this "his too young for me" crap.  

Hmmmm, so who wants to be my first young victim???  mmmuuuuhhhhhaaaaaa!!!

20's vs 30's

I spent my 20’s trying to show men what a good wife I would make. Cooking for them, keeping my house in order, etc. Because if they saw how awesome I was, maybe they would marry me, commit to me. Seriously, I would keep my place sparkling all the time. Always offering to cook dinner. If I started dating someone I wouldn’t go out as much. They wouldn’t want a girl who was a party girl, right? Had to play up the “image” of what a good “wifey” would do.

Now that I’m in my 30’s….times have change. I can’t remember the last time I cooked for a guy! LOL!! My apartment looks like I live there now. It’s not dirty but it sure doesn’t sparkle ever day. And honestly, if you can fit into my schedule, we can hang out. Yes, I’m going out tonight and no you can’t come. You have to earn my time. Time is precious.

I come to realize I spent all those years trying to show what a good wife I would make instead of looking for the man who would make a good husband! And now, who knows if I’ll even get married. The importance of that has dwindled. Yes, a relationship is important to me but I won’t sell myself short. I have a lot to give. But it won’t be given to just anyone.

That’s the joy of age. You stop caring about what other people think. It’s so freeing. In the past few years I’ve grown into this person. I like me, actually I love me. I look back at the old me and cringe.

So as my birthday is just a few days away, I will embrace it. And I look forward to the lessons I learn this year.