Inspired

I am so inspired right now!  It's amazing how sharing can help, transform and inspire others.  I had an amazing seminar class tonight and I get home to an email from a friend saying she is online looking at registration for the Forum as we speak!  I made a commitment to continue the conversation we started last night and before I could even make the call, she was already enrolled in the possibility!!  


It's amazing knowing I can make such an impact on the people that surround me.  You can't imagine the feeling I have right now.  Me, little 'ol me, being able to make a change in someone's life.  The only thing I'm doing is sharing how my life has been transformed.  Sharing the possibilities that I thought were NEVER and I repeat NEVER possible are now not only possible but are complete and amazing realities.


My dreams are only getting bigger and bigger.  And now I'm not scared of taking that chance.  Living my dream life.  


I know this is normally a blog about relationships....well this is about relationships.  Just now with different colored lenses that can see beyond the hand in front of my face.   

Hollywood Dictionary

New word of the day: Chandelier.  Ok I know, its not a new word, but I came up with a whole new meaning for it.  


A chandelier is usually beautiful.  Adds to the beauty of a room.  It sparkles and shines and is usually pretty expensive!  It's usually admired and displayed in extravagant homes.  Wiki definition: A chandelier is a branched decorative ceiling-mounted light fixture with two or more arms bearing lights. Chandeliers are often ornate, containing dozens of lamps and complex arrays of glass or crystal prisms to illuminate a room with refracted light. 

We all know what a trophy wife is.  Usually young and attractive, and is regarded as a status symbol for a husband. But what if this man doesn't marry her.  What do you call her?  A chandelier.  Try it on for size.  Yup it works.  You're welcome.  Make sure to use it in a sentence this week.


Bonus word of the day: Goldfish*. Referring to girls in their early 20's. They are easily distracted and have problems concentrating.  Easy to train. Like shiny, sparkly things.  They usually last for 4-6 months, then you have to flush them down the toilet and get a new one.  
*Special thanks to Maurice James for this one! 

Quicksand

I was asleep on a beach and suddenly woke up to see a submarine periscope coming thru the sand in front of my body.  Not sure who was laying near me but I shook them awake to see this.  We both looked in shock!  I suggested I grab my camera and take a picture with a bright flash into the scope to blind whoever was spying on us.  We settled on putting our hands over the scope.  It suddenly stopped scanning the area and withdrew itself into the sand.  As it went under, I put my hand over the hole and could feel the water bubbling up from it.  Then slowly the hole was gone as the water and sand mixture molded back to a flat surface under my hand.

Then I woke up.  It felt so real!  So here I am awake at 3am.  I'm waiting for the benadryl to start working....damn allergies to cats.  It feels like I have sand in my lungs.

Anyhow, I was laying here thinking how amazing it is when you actually take control of your life.  Declaring and creating possibilities for yourself.  I've always been scared to take a stand for myself and what I wanted.  Trying to stay under the radar where life is safe.  But damn, that's boring.  I would get damn right embarrassed when someone took notice.  That fear has kept me from relationships and a career of my dreams.  I've always been a great promoter for others but not myself.

But those days are over.  

I was talking to someone I used to date years ago and he said I never spoke up about what I wanted.  Never took a stand.  He's so right.  I thought I was by being "the cool chick who never spoke up or questions anything".  I was passive.  People do things in ways to "prove" how they feel instead of just SAYING it.  I have a ton of guy friends and they've dated girls that have cleaned their apts, cooked dinner, bought groceries, did the laundry, etc when they came over.  But never did they say what they wanted from the guys.  They thought by doing this stuff, the guy would see how great they were and say  you're the one.  To this day, I've never seen a situation like that work out.

I finally took a stand and declared what I want.  No more casual relationships.  I want something real, long lasting, committed.  That's the goal I'm working towards.  I'm not asking for it all now but I'm putting it out there.  I know the energy I've put it there has been casual.  Saying stupid shit like "I don't want anything serious", "Not sure if I ever want to get married", blah blah blah.  I call bullshit on myself. "Buwlsheit, Buwlsheit, Buwlsheit."  I said all that because I was scared of conflict and failure.  But great love, takes great risk.  And the risk is worth the love.     

Time to take a stand and say what you want.  What's the worst someone is going to say?  No.  That's it.  No.  Are we all so scared to hear the word No, that we just stopped asking?  Stopped going after our dreams because we're too scared to hear No?  Guess what hearing No means.....NOTHING!  It doesn't change who you are or what you believe in.  You keep moving on towards your dreams and bypass the people who don't believe in you and your dreams.  

So instead of continuing to let my life sink in the quicksand, I'm molding the sand in my hand and creating the possibilities for greatness in my life.  And you can continue to use your periscope to spy on me and I promise not to blind you with a flash......but I will be a bright shiny light.

Being unreasonable

So I'm transformed.  If you haven't attended Landmark, you probably don't understand what I mean.  No I haven't changed, I'm still me....but I probably won't react the same way you've known me to.

So the first thing I did was delete my online dating site.  Yes, its been down for 3 weeks now.  First thing I realized, I was being unauthentic!  Umm, that means I'm not being the true me.  I came to realize that I wasn't meeting quality people on the site but only hanging onto it for "something to do" and "for the attention".   Honestly, I had no intentions of meeting anyone else off the site.

The biggest realization....all this bitching I've done....I've created all these situations.  I choose to be that person that attracted those men.  It's what I was putting out into the universe.  A person who REALLY wants a relationship and a good person in their life, puts out a certain energy.  I've lacked that energy for years.  It all is for the positive....I've sowed my "wild oats", sorry Mom.  :)

Best part about Landmark, getting complete with people and creating possibilities.  Everything is now possible.  I love it!  Sorry if you caught the brunt end of the stick lately. I will tell you exactly what I want and expect from you.  But I am finally being authentic!

No apologizes.  But Hi, this is me.  Nice to meet you, finally!

Singles Awareness Day.

Singles Awareness Day aka Valentine's Day is upon us again.  You made it through the holidays alone but when this day hits, bam like a left hook to the jaw.  Honestly this day only matters to women so they can show off to their friends!  You want to prove to your friends how much your man loves you.  It's a straight competition!

If you work in an office the pressure is on.  Will your husband/boyfriend come through?  And best believe he better have gotten you a bigger bouquet of flowers than so and so!  Oh and the questions they ask with judging eyes....where is he taking you to dinner tonight?   

Even if you could care less about this Hallmark holiday, you end up caring that day.  Caring because of all the inquiries about what your man is doing for you.  Seeing the pictures posted all over Facebook.  Regardless of the tough exterior you put on, it still hurts.

For us single ladies, it's hard.  We couldn't go out to dinner even if we wanted to.  Prix-fixe over priced menus surrounded by couples giving each other goo-goo eyes.  The expectations thick in the air.  And everyone around you getting laid, well at least they hope.  

Well here's to girls competition day!  Good Luck Ladies, may the best woman WIN!

Well that was totally awkward....

We live in such digital times.  I know most of my communication is done on the computer.  Which makes in person moments sometimes even more awkward than they should be.  It puts you face to face with people you're not really sure if you know "in real life" or not!

So a few weekends ago I was at the Hollywood Farmers Market.  It was pretty packed and I was dodging people with push carts full of produce and Mom's pushing strollers through the maze of marketeers.  I look down at this stroller as I step to the side and "Hey I know that kid!"  As I look up thinking that it's someone I know pushing the stroller I come face to face with the Mom.  Well hello Gwen Stefani.  My face turned from the hey how are you doing, so great to see you heeeeerrrr......oh shit, I only know your kid from the paparazzi sites I cruise daily.  How insane is it that I felt I knew this child????  But I only know them from pictures I see.  That's pretty scary.

Since I joined a dating site (which honestly I think I'm just going to delete soon, if I wasn't getting such great material for my blog) I've been so self aware out in public.  I notice when someone does a double take and I wonder, "Oh shit, are they from that site?  Did I totally reject them (because 99% of them get rejected)?  They sort of look familiar!"  Talk about awkward moments.  I can't tell if I know someone in "real life" or "virtual life" anymore.  The lines have crossed.

Back in the days of MySpace (yes back in the day, 2003) when I was friends with anyone who was on there, I built "virtual friendships".  Some of which have become real life friends.  But that first meeting was awkward, using your screen name as your introduction.  You feel like you already know this person so well but you don't.  It's a crazy time we live in.

So next time you recognize me and I cross the street, don't take it personal....I'm just saving you and me from that awkward moment.  :)

Slow down I just wanna get to know you.

It seems like everyone is in such a rush to "fall in love". And it seems like you don't care who it’s with; you'll just make it work. Great love takes time and work. Forcing something that isn't there is a waste of energy.


Jumping to convo's of when we fall in love, what our kids will look like, etc will make me shut down instantly. Yes, I do want all that. But if I haven't met you, let alone talked on the phone, those are shut it down conversations. The only thing you know about me is what I wrote on my page.

In your defense, I'm sure a girl in your past has told you these are the things she wanted to hear from you. And now you are over compensating. But she probably said she wanted to hear these things from you after you were already in a relationship. Not at the first encounter.

Think about it men, if I came at you and said, "Oh my god, we'd make beautiful babies together! We should totally go to dinner, get married and just start making babies now!", you'd run for the hills. It comes off as desperate and needy.

What I’m looking for is a perfect fit and then we’ll have those conversations after some time. Stick to what I like to do for fun, etc. Sure go ahead and ask if I want the marriage and kids stuff….but don’t start planning our wedding….just yet.