Cleaning House

Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”  With that said, I've made some changes in my life.  What I was doing wasn't working.  I had to break the cycle of douchebags.  And instead of continuing to just complain about it....I did something about it.

First step, I went through my Facebook and deleted guys that shouldn't have any access to my life.  Why should they be able to keep tabs on what I'm doing with my life if they really didn't respect me as a person?  Select and delete.  

Next step, deleted numbers from my phone.  What I should have done is change all of them to "DO NOT ANSWER".  Guess I'll do that on my next round of deletes.  

Step Three, I've removed myself from the nightlife Hollywood scene.  Sure, there might be a really nice guy in a club....but he probably isn't the type of guy that is picking up on a girl in a nightclub.  So instead of going out, I'm going hiking on Saturday and Sunday mornings.  Because I would much rather meet someone there, at coffee or the Farmers Market!

By doing that, I've cleaned house.  Got rid of all the negativity and douchebags in one clean swoop.  I'm baggage free.  LOL.  And that opened me up to doing something I've said I'm totally against....online dating.  I'm checking it out.  I'm holding my judgement for a later date......

2009: The Year of the Douchebag

I've heard that how you bring in the new year sets the tone for your entire year.  If I didn't fully believe it before, I do now.

Last year I was invited to NYC for NYE by a douchebag.  I wanted to go to NYC so bad that I sacrificed my morals and ignored my gut instincts and accepted.  I've been paying for that trip heavily since.  The payments started in NYC.  I cried at least 2 days while there, was scared for my life on more than one occasion and had to keep my mouth closed and not speak my mind.  I was sad to leave NYC but happy to be away from bad company.

But the payments for my choice didn't stop there.  My year has been plagued by douchebags.  It's been an ongoing theme of the year.  I can't escape it.  The levels of douchebagness have varied but when it all comes down to it....douchebag after douchebag.

So this NYE, I'm spending it with my friends I love.  I need to set a new tone for 2010.  Because another year like this one and my faith may be gone.

Wanna invest?

Great business opportunity arises and you have the opportunity to invest.  You see potential and invest hoping for a profitable return in your investment.  It's a big risk but worth taking it because of the possible results.

So why don't we approach love this way?  Love is an investment.  Love has amazing pay-offs if you fully invest with the right person.

If you're truly interested in someone you'll get to know them, learn them, discover them, INVEST in them. You look beyond the moment you shared.  We can share a bunch of random moments but to develop and grown on those moments is what makes things unique and special.

It's so easy to get caught up in just the moments.  They're intense, heat filled and exciting.  But even that gets boring and old.  Don't get me wrong, its so much fun.  But after a while, you feel worn, tired and most of alone with no one to count on.  When you invest in someone, you learn them.  You gain trust and love.

I've come to the realization that if you aren't willing to invest in me...get to know me...I really can't accommodate you.  This is your "No shoes, No shirt, No Service" notice.

Taking responsibility.

I've spent so many years pointing fingers, making excuses.  I do something ghetto "I'm from the bay".  I do something goofy "I'm left handed".  I do something crazy "I'm Sicilian".  Someone asks "Why are you still single?"  "Cuz dudes are douchebags."

Well I'm finally going to take responsibility for my singleness.

Yes, its MY fault I'm still single.  No one's fault but mine.  The energy I throw out there is a single, party girl who just wants to have fun.  I don't put myself in situations that are conducive to meeting my "one".  This is my self realization moment.

I'm not changing who I am.  But I'm changing the vibe I'm sending out into the world.  I'm still going to be me because I love who I am.  I love going out, having fun with my friends.  That's not changing.  I'm still going to be crazy and blame a lot of my actions on being left-handed, Sicilian and from the bay because that's me.  But I'll no longer blame me being single on anyone but me.

I believe in the Law of Attraction.  And what I've been attracting is the guys looking for nothing more than a moment.  I'm looking for more than that moment.  And I haven't been putting out that vibe for a long time now.

I've actually started making these changes already.  I've switched up my routine and how I go about doing things.  I know my old ways just weren't working....I wasn't happy.  So I'm taking myself out of my comfort zone to find the results I want.  I know it won't be easy but nothing worth having ever is.  Great love takes great risk.

That "it" factor

So wow, it's been almost a year since I've been officially single.  I thought I was in a relationship up until a year ago is more like it.  But we won't go there, it's just semantics.

I've gone through the normal mistakes of a break-up.  Trying too quickly to get into another relationship.  Pushing away good guys and diving into bad boys.  But that's the normal course of events.  Nothing too shocking there.

But after a year of soul searching, finding myself again, analyzing my past relationships...where have I found myself?  Confused, jaded, confident, sure of myself and still alone.  I've gained so much but yet gained so little.  I've dated, tried people on for size but yet nothing fit.  Or maybe they weren't my size at the time.  I fluctuate a lot.

Is there an appropriate time frame that someone can be single without losing "it"?  You know, "it".  That thing that makes you good in a relationship?  The qualities that men used to love about me and said "if I was ready to get married, you'd be perfect." Gag, I just threw up writing that.  For all the men that said that, go fuck yourself.  Selling false hope is bullshit.  You should be ashamed.

Getting back to that "it" factor.  Have I lost it?  Is it something I can regain?  And when I heard the other day "I can tell you haven't been in a relationship in a long time or were hurt really bad", my chest hurt.  Is that the nail in my coffin or my wake up call?  Well I took it as a wake up call.  Cuz I'm far too young and hot to have a nail in my coffin.  haha.

Since I've been single I stopped acting interest or into anyone.  It was my defense.  So now I have to learn to open up again and take risks.  It's funny, I tell my friends "Great love takes great risk" but yet I never put myself at risk anymore.

And no this isn't me opening back up....but I'll take baby steps.  Now all its gonna take is a grand gesture, some blood, finger prints and a background check.  Are you down?

Is that your finger or are you just happy to see me?

Didn’t your Mom teach you not to poke people? It’s rude. So why do you think its ok to poke me on Facebook? Better yet, why the hell do they have a poke feature??? And why is it now suggesting people I should poke. I’m sorry….yeah, no.

Last time I checked, poking wasn’t a way of flirting. That is unless you’re 5. So if that is how you are choosing to flirt, grow up. Was that feature put on there to be used as a flirting tool? A wink would have been better but Match.com already used that one.

To me, the poke is like the guy who grabs your arm in the club. You didn’t notice him on your own, so he’s going to grab you so you can get a look at him. The look I usually give is the death stare and jerk my arm away. The best I can do on Facebook is click “Remove poke”.

What’s your status?

Isn’t it funny, one of the hardest parts of a new relationship is deciding when it’s ok to change your status to “in a relationship” on Facebook. It’s like your formal announcement to the world that you are no longer single and off the market. Then the next big thing is stating who you are in that relationship with!

I’ve had so many friends ask me when it is ok to change it. My reply has always been “ask your partner!” If you don’t feel comfortable asking them that, then you aren’t that sure about your relationship. Let things happen organically. When its time, you’ll know.

But I have to say, it is so cute seeing all my friends getting into relationships now. Quite a few in past few weeks! So congratulations all. I couldn’t be any happier for you. My favorite part is watching it go from singlein a relationshipengagedmarried. Gives this girl a little hope…..

Personally my status is hidden just so people can’t search for single females on the internet and find me. I’m not on social media to find a date. But I guess if I did find myself in a relationship, I would unhide it. Really, did you think I wouldn’t? Come on now, when I find love, I’m going to be the first to scream it from the top of a mountain!