2009: The Year of the Douchebag

I've heard that how you bring in the new year sets the tone for your entire year.  If I didn't fully believe it before, I do now.

Last year I was invited to NYC for NYE by a douchebag.  I wanted to go to NYC so bad that I sacrificed my morals and ignored my gut instincts and accepted.  I've been paying for that trip heavily since.  The payments started in NYC.  I cried at least 2 days while there, was scared for my life on more than one occasion and had to keep my mouth closed and not speak my mind.  I was sad to leave NYC but happy to be away from bad company.

But the payments for my choice didn't stop there.  My year has been plagued by douchebags.  It's been an ongoing theme of the year.  I can't escape it.  The levels of douchebagness have varied but when it all comes down to it....douchebag after douchebag.

So this NYE, I'm spending it with my friends I love.  I need to set a new tone for 2010.  Because another year like this one and my faith may be gone.

Wanna invest?

Great business opportunity arises and you have the opportunity to invest.  You see potential and invest hoping for a profitable return in your investment.  It's a big risk but worth taking it because of the possible results.

So why don't we approach love this way?  Love is an investment.  Love has amazing pay-offs if you fully invest with the right person.

If you're truly interested in someone you'll get to know them, learn them, discover them, INVEST in them. You look beyond the moment you shared.  We can share a bunch of random moments but to develop and grown on those moments is what makes things unique and special.

It's so easy to get caught up in just the moments.  They're intense, heat filled and exciting.  But even that gets boring and old.  Don't get me wrong, its so much fun.  But after a while, you feel worn, tired and most of alone with no one to count on.  When you invest in someone, you learn them.  You gain trust and love.

I've come to the realization that if you aren't willing to invest in me...get to know me...I really can't accommodate you.  This is your "No shoes, No shirt, No Service" notice.

Taking responsibility.

I've spent so many years pointing fingers, making excuses.  I do something ghetto "I'm from the bay".  I do something goofy "I'm left handed".  I do something crazy "I'm Sicilian".  Someone asks "Why are you still single?"  "Cuz dudes are douchebags."

Well I'm finally going to take responsibility for my singleness.

Yes, its MY fault I'm still single.  No one's fault but mine.  The energy I throw out there is a single, party girl who just wants to have fun.  I don't put myself in situations that are conducive to meeting my "one".  This is my self realization moment.

I'm not changing who I am.  But I'm changing the vibe I'm sending out into the world.  I'm still going to be me because I love who I am.  I love going out, having fun with my friends.  That's not changing.  I'm still going to be crazy and blame a lot of my actions on being left-handed, Sicilian and from the bay because that's me.  But I'll no longer blame me being single on anyone but me.

I believe in the Law of Attraction.  And what I've been attracting is the guys looking for nothing more than a moment.  I'm looking for more than that moment.  And I haven't been putting out that vibe for a long time now.

I've actually started making these changes already.  I've switched up my routine and how I go about doing things.  I know my old ways just weren't working....I wasn't happy.  So I'm taking myself out of my comfort zone to find the results I want.  I know it won't be easy but nothing worth having ever is.  Great love takes great risk.

That "it" factor

So wow, it's been almost a year since I've been officially single.  I thought I was in a relationship up until a year ago is more like it.  But we won't go there, it's just semantics.

I've gone through the normal mistakes of a break-up.  Trying too quickly to get into another relationship.  Pushing away good guys and diving into bad boys.  But that's the normal course of events.  Nothing too shocking there.

But after a year of soul searching, finding myself again, analyzing my past relationships...where have I found myself?  Confused, jaded, confident, sure of myself and still alone.  I've gained so much but yet gained so little.  I've dated, tried people on for size but yet nothing fit.  Or maybe they weren't my size at the time.  I fluctuate a lot.

Is there an appropriate time frame that someone can be single without losing "it"?  You know, "it".  That thing that makes you good in a relationship?  The qualities that men used to love about me and said "if I was ready to get married, you'd be perfect." Gag, I just threw up writing that.  For all the men that said that, go fuck yourself.  Selling false hope is bullshit.  You should be ashamed.

Getting back to that "it" factor.  Have I lost it?  Is it something I can regain?  And when I heard the other day "I can tell you haven't been in a relationship in a long time or were hurt really bad", my chest hurt.  Is that the nail in my coffin or my wake up call?  Well I took it as a wake up call.  Cuz I'm far too young and hot to have a nail in my coffin.  haha.

Since I've been single I stopped acting interest or into anyone.  It was my defense.  So now I have to learn to open up again and take risks.  It's funny, I tell my friends "Great love takes great risk" but yet I never put myself at risk anymore.

And no this isn't me opening back up....but I'll take baby steps.  Now all its gonna take is a grand gesture, some blood, finger prints and a background check.  Are you down?

Is that your finger or are you just happy to see me?

Didn’t your Mom teach you not to poke people? It’s rude. So why do you think its ok to poke me on Facebook? Better yet, why the hell do they have a poke feature??? And why is it now suggesting people I should poke. I’m sorry….yeah, no.

Last time I checked, poking wasn’t a way of flirting. That is unless you’re 5. So if that is how you are choosing to flirt, grow up. Was that feature put on there to be used as a flirting tool? A wink would have been better but Match.com already used that one.

To me, the poke is like the guy who grabs your arm in the club. You didn’t notice him on your own, so he’s going to grab you so you can get a look at him. The look I usually give is the death stare and jerk my arm away. The best I can do on Facebook is click “Remove poke”.

What’s your status?

Isn’t it funny, one of the hardest parts of a new relationship is deciding when it’s ok to change your status to “in a relationship” on Facebook. It’s like your formal announcement to the world that you are no longer single and off the market. Then the next big thing is stating who you are in that relationship with!

I’ve had so many friends ask me when it is ok to change it. My reply has always been “ask your partner!” If you don’t feel comfortable asking them that, then you aren’t that sure about your relationship. Let things happen organically. When its time, you’ll know.

But I have to say, it is so cute seeing all my friends getting into relationships now. Quite a few in past few weeks! So congratulations all. I couldn’t be any happier for you. My favorite part is watching it go from singlein a relationshipengagedmarried. Gives this girl a little hope…..

Personally my status is hidden just so people can’t search for single females on the internet and find me. I’m not on social media to find a date. But I guess if I did find myself in a relationship, I would unhide it. Really, did you think I wouldn’t? Come on now, when I find love, I’m going to be the first to scream it from the top of a mountain!

The idea of you.

It happens all the time.  Boy meets girl.  It clicks.  Feels so right.  Girl starts planning their future.  Boy starts planning on how to get in her pants.

That's the big difference between men and women.  Although, I will say, I have met men who acted more like a female that I do.  Which at times isn't saying much since I'm like a guy....but with really big boobs.  Anyhow, getting back to my point...we as women make the mistake of making an imaginary future life with men the minute we meet them.  Making plans in our head of how things are going to be.   Then being hurt when the guy doesn't do what we made up in our heads.  How twisted is that???

It's because you fell in love with the idea of him.  You don't know him or what he's all about.  So the enamored feeling you have for him isn't real.   It's like when you're a kid and read about prince charming...you love the idea of a man on a horse coming to save you.  But this is reality.  It doesn't work that way.

People in general need to stop forcing things in life.  Let things happen organically.  Don't project your past onto new people in your life.  Be secure with who you are.  Get to know people...I mean really get to know them.  Let them show who they really are.  Then fall in love with the true them...not the person you think they are.

From Seat Filler to Leading Lady.

Have you ever felt like you were just filling a need in someone’s life until they found the leading star in this movie we call love? I think we are all guilty of casting someone to fill the seat until the perfect person comes along.

The person is usually a pretty amazing person but there’s something just missing. They don’t have that j'nai se qua about them. But rather than being alone, we hang out with this person who is not your ideal.

We pick people out of loneliness, convenience, lust and boredom. Believe me, I’ve picked people for these reasons and know I’ve been selected for the same. It’s almost an unspoken agreement. We both know what our purpose is and we deal with it. But sometimes its one sided.

How do you know if you were their seat filler? Well, have you ever been in what you thought was a lasting relationship and then all of the sudden your significant other breaks up with you and BAM they’re engaged to someone within 6 months? Yeah, guess what? You were their seat filler. Don’t feel bad…it’s happened to us all.

But one day, that BAM moment will happen for you. And it too will be magical, I hope. 

Insecurity is not attractive.

Insecurity is one of the biggest turn offs. Always looking for reassurance and confirmation of someone’s feelings is the quickest way to turn someone off. Don’t ask me over and over again if I miss you. Guess what, I did, but now that you’ve asked me everyday…I no longer miss you. I’m actually kind of sick of you now. Go ahead; keep asking when you’re going to see me again. My answer will turn from soon to never in a heartbeat.
Why question every word out of my mouth? Insecurity usually comes from past experiences. Deal with those issues and move on. But don’t project your issues onto someone else. There is nothing attractive about a grown man saying “You’ll probably never call me again.” Really??? We just had a good time. Now I probably won’t.
I never understood this when I was younger. My ex used to tell me that if you keep accusing someone of doing something, eventually they’ll do it. Accusing him of cheating might make him cheat. Because guess what, he’s already getting accused of it…might as well be doing it. You think he is and you’re staying with him. So what would really change if he was cheating???
When I was younger, I had this self destructing behavior. A self fulfilling prophecy. It’s a sad way to live. Always thinking of doom and gloom. It’s like the Secret, if you believe it to be it true, it will be true. Now it’s your choice to think positive or negative. I choose positive. And everything happens exactly the way it’s supposed to; sometimes the road is just a little bumpy to your final destination.

Old Fashioned Modern Girl

I may be outspoken, independent, strong and modern but damn-it, I like to be treated like a lady.  I'm so old fashioned in my dating ways.

One of my guy friends asked me how my dating life was going.  Right now, it's been pretty stale, no leads, no bites.  He suggested that I do the asking out.  To me, that's a big no no.  Will not happen.  I want a man to be a man, do the asking out.  If I can tell someone is trying to gage their chances in going out on a date with me...I'll always suggest that we should go out sometime, if I'm interest.  I'll give him the reassurance that if he does ask, he'll get a yes.  But its up to the guy to do the asking.

I feel like if I do the asking out, I take the lead.  I don't want to lead our dance.  A man should show how they can take charge.  I'm sort of a tomboy...so any chance that a guy can me feel like girl, bonus.  And if a guy is too scared to ask me out, they probably can't handle me anyhow.  So man up....worst thing I can say is no.  But believe me, I'll say no like a lady with class.

Yeah, they have an app for that.

On the iPhone, you can get just about any application imaginable on your phone!  If you can think it, they’ve probably got an app for it. 

They need to have a douchebag detector app.  I Googled it, doesn’t exist yet.  But looks like a lot of people agree….it’s needed.   With the press of one button you can get a reading on your phone showing his level of douchebagness….genius!  It should have different categories that it rates him on.  And you can decide what is and isn’t too much douchebag for you.  You could better evaluate if he is worth your time.   

Possible categories:

1. Loyalty
2. Honesty
3. Good to his mother
4. Trust worthy
5. Compassionate
6. Kindness
7. Self Control
8. Respect
9. Reliable
10. Confident

List growing but I think that's an honest start.  :)

I see this app saving a lot of time and heartache.  The worst part about a douchebag is his smooth words and ways that he convinces you “he’s one of the good ones”.  If the app could evaluate him with just a tap of his phone….pure awesomeness. 

Also in development: Is she a sheezy? app. :)

The "what if" girl.

"Remember (insert name)?  I met him (insert number) years ago at (insert random location).   We hung out for a while/few times/talked about going out and never did.  Well he called last night.  So random."  I can't even tell you how many times I've said this to my friends.

Am I the "what if" girl?  That girl that always sticks in your mind and you wonder about?  What is it about me that lingers with you?  And no these aren't booty calls.  These are calls from people in my past, checking in, seeing where I am at in my life.  The you came into my mind today and I wanted to see how you were calls.

These calls always spark the imagination, the what if's start flowing.  I start rethinking what actually happened between us.  And why things ended in the first place.  We didn't end on bad terms.  Honestly, none of my "relationships" do.  Things just tend not to work.  Different place, different time.  But when they call, I tend to wonder; is this the different place, different time? Sometimes, I'll meet up with them to catch up.  And I can tell you, not once have I felt that this was our time now.  My tastes have changed or they have changed.

It's crazy how much I've changed in the past 3 years.  Things I used to be attracted to, not so much anymore.  Damn, I'm growing up!  :)

But what these calls do give me is closure.  It gets rid of my what if's.  And closing the door on your past is the sure way to your future.

Looking forward to that morning....

"I woke up one morning and felt what I knew I could never feel with you."  Ouch, that would hurt to hear. I just finished watching 500 Days of  Summer.  It made me think, think a lot.  I'm that girl.  I get involved with someone and say "I don't want anything serious."  And also freak out when I'm asked to put a title on it.
It's my fear of pain, heartache and loss speaking.  It's easier to act stand-offish than to get involved and get your heart broken.  But it's also the fact that I'm waiting for that moment...that feeling, that knowing moment.  That person I'll never have a doubt about.
But then I wonder....is that even possible?  To meet someone and never have any doubts about them being the one?
I'm so looking forward to the morning I wake up and just know...knowing that this is it.   I can't imagine my life continuing without this person in it.  To wake up and not be scared anymore, withdrawn and have my walls come down.

Sharing is not always caring.

So you meet someone, you go on a few dates.  Wow, you really like this person.  You can see this becoming something bigger.  Do you stop dating anyone else?

If you really feel a connection with someone, you want to give it a real chance to develop.  Without any distractions.  That is, if you want and are looking for a real relationship.  But I'm guessing, if you like to sleep around, you're probably not looking for the one.  You probably aren't looking past the intimacy.   You're addicted to the chase and conquer of each female.

I've never understood how people can sleep around and seriously date multiple people at the same time.  How are you ever able to evaluate how you feel about anyone if you are dating/sleeping with multiple people?  

And the guys/girls that make is so obvious, ugh.  So gross.  Really, you think I'm gonna think that's it hot?  Knowing that you were hanging out with another girl last night, then hanging out with me the next.  ...not a good look.  Little things like that turn me off.

If you are feeling someone, you're feeling it.  Give it chance.  Stop acting like a douchebag.  If you're only looking for relations and not a relationship, say it.  No reason to put on an act.

It's so sweet it hurts my teeth.

I'm feeling sappy, so I decide to make a list of things I miss about being in a relationship.
- Having a bad day and having someone to listen to your problems or just at least be there with a hug.
- The cuddling on the sofa after a long day.
- The eye contact moments that need no words.
- Little happy surprises that are worth more than gold.
- Knowing you always have a date to any event.
- Falling asleep in someone's arms that you can actually fall asleep in.
- Nights at home cooking dinner together.
- Nights out on the town dancing under the stars.
- Getting unexpected flowers.
- Our first Christmas together.
- Butterflies.
- Laughing at each others stupid jokes.
- Holding hands.
- Sneaking little kisses.
- Missing someone when they are gone.
- Talking on the phone for hours and not really knowing how you can talk so much saying so little.
- Feeling incomplete without your better half.
- Being able to order for each other.
- Doing errands for each other out of love.
Ok, I just threw up a little in my mouth.  It's so sweet it hurts my teeth.

Hangin' Tough

Serendipity has been on TV a lot lately and I reminded how much I love this movie.  I own the DVD, I think I'll put it in tonight to help me fall asleep.  Maybe then I'll have sweet dreams.  The movie reminds me how much of a hopeless romantic I am.  Yes, I know, I don't act like it....but I'm a softy under all this tough exterior.  The ending scene when Jon is laying on the skating rink ground with snowflakes falling on his face with Sara's jacket under his head....thru the snow comes the matching black glove...makes me cry every time.  He picks up the pair of gloves that had been separate for so many years and locks eyes with Sara.  Makes me yearn for someone that wants nothing more than to be with me that much.  The great lengths they went to, to find each other again.  They know deep down, they were it for each other from just a brief encounter years prior. 


I know I talk a lot of shit.  And act like I don't care. But I'll admit, its all a front.  I haven't allowed myself to open up and be 
vulnerable in a really long time.   I guess its my fear of being hurt.  But getting hurt is one of the risks in finding love.  So eventually, I guess I have to open up and try.  Because being this closed off bad-ass isn't getting me anywhere.  


Recently I was asked if I was just having fun or if I wanted more.  I want more and plan on having fun on the way to love.  But it will take some grand gestures to get me to open up and allow more.  So when I write my number on the inside cover a book and send it off into the world, I hope you look in the cover of that book in every store until you find me.  And I'll keep flipping over $5 bills searching for you.  

Don't be scurred.....

My blog is not meant to be intimidating, its meant for intimate-dating. So I've been hearing from multiple sources that people are scared, intimidated, worried about asking me out on date because of my blog. And those that have gone out with me and then find out about the blog get scared they'll be the subject of a blog.  


So here's the deal, it can go one of two ways...you can be the subject of a "douchebag" blog or the subject of a "he blew my mind" blog.  But most of the time, I don't write about current events. I give you a grace period.  LOL.  


So stop being scared.  

Show your cards

I have to say, the best part of dating is going out with your dates. Seeing their taste in food, how much thought they put into planning the night, how the interact with the people you come into contact with and how they treat you in public. These things are so important. They show you if you have anything to build a relationship on.

Will you have the same taste in food/music/life? If they show you something new, will they be a good teacher? Someone who makes your feel comfortable in a situation you're unfamiliar with?Trying something new and having a great experience can lead to a serious bond! And it shows that they put some thought into what they thought you would enjoy trying/experiencing with them. They payed attention to things you have mentioned, your likes and dislikes.

This is key information you need to know about someone you are interested in. Stuff you won't learn by them sitting on your sofa. Sitting on your sofa comes after they have taken you out. I'm not saying they need to spend mad money on you, but they at least have to attempt to take you out. It's the bonding process. Once you've bonded, then you can rent movies and order in.

Can I be your junkie?

So I was just talking with my friend, who unfortunately has almost the same name as my ex-douchebag. He was commenting on my dating ways. Guys seem to have a 6 week shelf life with me. Those of you I have dated are nodding in sync at this moment. If you made it further than that, congratulations! Now, pat yourself on the back as you have achieved something most do not.

I think it takes about 6 weeks to actually get to know someone. At that time you evaluate a few key things about if this relationship can continue. Are your values the same? Are you still having FUN? Do they have a quality that is more annoying than cute? Do they fit into your life? And vice versa? Are your friends/family supportive of this new mate? Do you have passion?

The most important thing I am looking for, that “I can’t get enough of you” feeling. We’ve all experienced that feeling. Sometimes, scratch that, most of the time, its one sided. Sometimes it happens at different times. One person experiences it, you are their drug. Then right as they start kicking their habit, the roles reverse. Then most part ways.

For the lucky few, it happens simultaneously. Birds chirping, hearts pumping, can’t get enough. That moment when you say “OMG, we’ve seen each other every day for 2 straight weeks! And I still want to see you tonight.” The first night apart seems like hell and you stay on the phone talking/texting each other until you fall asleep. It doesn’t seem like a chore hanging out or making plans. It just is.

You either have it or you don’t. It can’t be forced. You can’t make someone feel something they just don’t. It happens naturally and organically.

Stiff arming since 1977

“I’m best known for throwing the Heisman.” That was my headline on MySpace after I was told that two times in the same week. I got the silliest responses. Some people thought I actually threw the Heisman trophy! Really, don’t you think you would have read about that somewhere and my picture would have been posted all over the world, “Dumb bitch grabbed the trophy and threw it?!” Honestly, the trophy weighs 25lbs; do you really think I could throw it? If so, thanks for that vote of confidence!
I was told this because I would just push people away and run. I avoided getting emotionally involved with anyone. The football was my heart and I would stiff arm anyone who dared to get close to me.
Have I changed, no not much. But now I have a new outlook on my behavior. I reacted this way because deep down I knew these men were not right for me. And the timing was off. What I was ready for and what they were ready for were not in sync.
Timing is EVERYTHING! A different time, a different place, sure things could have worked. But looking back, there isn’t anyone I have any what if’s about. Things are exactly the way they are supposed to be. Guys I have dated have moved on and I am happy for their relationships. I usually remain on good terms with all of them. And I am confident that throwing the Heisman was the best move.
Until I meet my match, I’ll keep stiff arming the toads.

I won't be your rebound.

A year ago when I broke up with my "boyfriend", I met someone new the same day.   And instantly in my mind, I was in a new relationship.  I went from 0-60 in 2.4 seconds.  All my friends were urging me to take some time to myself but I argued that this "new relationship" felt so right. What an idiot I was.  I was giving him all the respect and courtesies that you need get over time, not right away.   And he was not even the right guy for me!  So far from it!  He was my rebound.

The biggest mistake people make is not taking enough time for themselves in between relationships.  Because what they end up doing is dragging the past relationship into the new one. Your bring your expectations into the next relationship.  And guess what?  The new person in your life doesn't owe you anything.  And you have no right to get mad at them.  

When someone told me this the first time, I didn't get it.  I was angry and thought they were just mean.  And yes, people should be courteous.  In no way shape or form am I saying that gives anyone the right to be a douchebag.  

So when you are just getting out of a relationship and hitting the dating scene, I have a few tips for you.  These will help you not scare away a potential.

When you just meet someone, don't send them a text saying you are thinking about them, missing them, etc the day after you meet them.  You don't know them to miss them.  And any thoughts you have of them, are not real thoughts!  They are thoughts you have made up in your mind about them.  Don't call to just "check in".  Have a reason for your call; setting up a date or confirming plans.  

And if you are newly single and someone makes an off the cuff remark about maybe hanging out this weekend take it as just that.  You may or may not hang out this weekend.  Don't keep your schedule open for them.  Unless someone says, this Saturday at 8pm lets go to dinner, then take it as is.  And don't get mad if you don't hear from them.   

I've watched myself and friends make these mistakes and cringe.  And I have had guys pull this on me.  And guess what, I RUN and run fast.  I don't want to be your rebound or hold your hand through your last break-up.  

Love the google searches that led people to my blog!

These are actually searches done on Google that led people to my blog! Someone typed this into the search engine and were led to my blog. Gotta love it! I think these are the next 5 topics of my blogs!!!  

1. be busy when guy finally picks up the phone  

2. how many times is to many to text a guy w/ no response

3. i won't have time to meet you 

4. i wont talk until i know you  

5. would a booty call kiss you and call you tell you yes he misses you

What one should I blog about first???? I think I love #5 but tell me what you think!!!!

The Puma, Not yet a Cougar

I've always wanted older men, late 30's, early 40's.  They are established, settled and know exactly what they want.  But that back fires.  They've established a life on their own.  And trying to worm your way into it is beyond hard.  They are comfortable being just how they are, they don't need you. It seems like the last few guys I have dated are like this.  They are happy with things just the way they are.  And are happy living the "bachelor" life forever.

So now I'm zoning in on the younger guys.  It didn't occur to me until recently but I am!  Every guy I have met lately is young!  And it brings me to the harsh realization that they are closer to my younger brothers age than mine.  WTF!  I tend to refer to them as "my brother's friend".  But I still wrestle with the logistics of it all.  I totally could have been their babysitter!  Or could have changed their diapers!  

How do men not think of these things when dating younger women??  Men date women that could be their daughters and don't blink an eye lash.  They date women that are the same age their own children!  And I'm worried about a 10 year age difference because of my younger brother.  

Maybe I keep meeting younger guys because I'm getting younger...you know, like Benjamin Button?  LOL!  Or the company I keep...all my girls are younger than I am.  Either way, I need to get over this "his too young for me" crap.  

Hmmmm, so who wants to be my first young victim???  mmmuuuuhhhhhaaaaaa!!!

20's vs 30's

I spent my 20’s trying to show men what a good wife I would make. Cooking for them, keeping my house in order, etc. Because if they saw how awesome I was, maybe they would marry me, commit to me. Seriously, I would keep my place sparkling all the time. Always offering to cook dinner. If I started dating someone I wouldn’t go out as much. They wouldn’t want a girl who was a party girl, right? Had to play up the “image” of what a good “wifey” would do.

Now that I’m in my 30’s….times have change. I can’t remember the last time I cooked for a guy! LOL!! My apartment looks like I live there now. It’s not dirty but it sure doesn’t sparkle ever day. And honestly, if you can fit into my schedule, we can hang out. Yes, I’m going out tonight and no you can’t come. You have to earn my time. Time is precious.

I come to realize I spent all those years trying to show what a good wife I would make instead of looking for the man who would make a good husband! And now, who knows if I’ll even get married. The importance of that has dwindled. Yes, a relationship is important to me but I won’t sell myself short. I have a lot to give. But it won’t be given to just anyone.

That’s the joy of age. You stop caring about what other people think. It’s so freeing. In the past few years I’ve grown into this person. I like me, actually I love me. I look back at the old me and cringe.

So as my birthday is just a few days away, I will embrace it. And I look forward to the lessons I learn this year.

Sorry, I've been too busy....

We've all gotten this excuse.  And you try and justify it to yourself and your friends.  Denying the sheer truth of what's really going on.  Plain and simple, that person just isn't into you.  No one is THAT busy.  The busiest people in the world make time for the people that are important in their lives.  We all have to eat.  So grab lunch, dinner, damn breakfast if you have to.  Just giving that person a fraction of your day.  Showing that you are in fact interested and that you really want to get to know them.  And if you don't want to hang out with them, be honest about it.

I am guilty of the "too busy" line.  Stringing boys along.  The truth is, no matter how tired I am, if I like you and want to get to know you, I will make it happen.  It doesn't matter if I had to work a 10 hour day, followed by a 2 hour workout.  I will feed off the excitement to see you!  I'll probably have a little hop in my step.  :)  I want to get to know you.  I'll always make sure you know what days I am free.  And I'll never make a generalization of when we can hang out.  It will be locked on my calendar.  

I'm tired of this excuse and stopped using it.  Some of you can vouch for that!  LOL :)  I have started being honest and saying "It's never going to happen!"  Which is the nice thing to do.  It sets people free.  

With that said, if I tell you when I am free and you get the days confused more than once, probably going to write you off.  Nothing is worse than me holding a day for you and you flake.  REALLY???  If we talk on a Sunday and plan on Thursday, don't say "I thought we were going to hang out on Friday" when I confirm with you on Wednesday.   

There's assumptions I'm going to make about your flaking.  And just because I love list's so much here are my top 5 reasons.

1. There's someone else you probably like more.

2. You're just a flakey person.  And we wouldn't work out anyhow.

3. You didn't listen to me.  And we wouldn't work out anyhow.

4. You got our date confused with your other girls.

5. You are just a douchebag.

So pick which ever one you seem fitting.  And if you aren't feeling someone, just say it.  

I fall in love like once a day....

Wanna make out?   

I was sitting at the Custom Hotel pool celebrating a friends birthday.  I saw a guy approaching and hit my friend sitting next to me and said "Damn, he's hot!"  He looked at me and said "Of course you think HE is hot.  Stephanie, you're like a 16 year old girl.  You pick guys for all the wrong reasons.  And you know it.  But yet you still fall for them."   

Yes it's true.  He was so right on the money.  I do pick guys for all the wrong reasons.  You're hot, lets make out.  You have swagger, lets play with your dagger.  I'm a hot mess.  

So I've been thinking, what exactly am I looking for?  I guess, the male version of me.  I can rock out but still be loyal to my man.  I love to party but yet still love to be at home.  I mean if I can be all these things, can't I find my counterpart?  He has to exist.  Right????

So on my Tough Love 2 audition, the casting director said "You don't want a nice stable guy because they are safe.  You like the excitement of a risky guy."  I am a nice, stable (once you have my heart) sweetheart that LOVE's to party!  I want someone like me.  She told me good luck.  It won't happen.  But I am adamant that he is out there.  If I wasn't sure of it, I think I would have just given up by now.  

Boy's I know I should avoid:

1. If you talk openly about this girl you've been dating for the past year, probably shouldn't make out with you.

2. One's that only call when they are in town.  I need a full time man. 

3. Any man that tells me "I just can't be in a relationship right now."  Really????  Go fuck yourself.

4. Boys that just text and never call.  If you can't actually talk to me, what is the point?  When your looks are gone, you better have some great speaking skills.

5. The "I'm so busy, sorry" guy.  We all have to eat.  If you really wanted to get to know me, you'd make the time.

6. Any guys that just don't show an interest in me.  I don't mean you have to call all the time.  But I shouldn't be the one who has to start every conversation!  Show me that you are interested by calling or at least texting me first.  

7. The guys who only call at night!  Ummm, really, I'm never coming over and no you can't stop by.  You can stop that.  When's the last time you've seen me?  It wasn't when you sent me a late night booty call.  I don't respond to those.  If I do, I'm just teasing you.  (BTW, I'm a big tease.)

8. I call when its convenient for me guy.  You're lonely and you call me to hang out.  We don't hook up but you lay heavy lines on me with huge promises of how things will be.  Then you disappear because you sold the same lines to another girl.  So you disappear for a while but you always pop in.  

Are you the male version of me?  If so, speak the F up!  Night! xxoo

We're so retro.

I am sure you noticed the 80's are back.  The colored Ray Ban glasses, skinny jeans, paint splattered shirts, high-top sneaker, etc.  But the best part of the 80's that came back is making out!  OMG, want to feel young again?  Here's what you do:

1. Spot a really hot boy.

2. Totally flirt with him.

3. Get his number.

4. Flirt over the phone.

5. Invite him over when you parents are out, hee hee.

6. Act really coy and shy.

7. Lean towards him and twirl you hair.

8. Let him kiss you.

9. Make sure he doesn't touch your private places.

10.  Right before he is about to leave (because your parents are coming home soon), give him a sneak peak and shove his ass out the door.

11. Giggle.

12. Talk on the phone while he is on his way home telling him naughty things.

It's the instant way to feel young again.  Nothing to feel dirty about.  All you did was kiss.  And then tomorrow, repeat steps 1-12.  

(Insert Name Here) WAS HERE 5/27/09.

Now-a-day’s nothing is private. Your shizz is on blast 24/7. No matter how hard you try and keep it on the down low, it still comes out.

My favorite type of girl is the one that posts comments on dude’s pages, so that every other female will know about them. Are you that insecure with yourself that you have to put it out there like that? It’s the subtle comments that make it known that; yes, he knows you and yes, you are kicking it. But if it was something more, don’t you think HE would make it known? Are you really scraping for that little bit of recognition?

Once I have an official relationship, believe me, I’ll be the first to post a comment on my man’s page. You know the ones that make you want to throw up a little in your mouth when you read? But until that day, I keep it strictly clean. And why would I want to salt my own game, lol.

But I get it. You want any other females to know you were there. You are writing your name on the bathroom wall “I WAS HERE”. Which in fact is so classy. Hold on, I need to go write my name on the wall now. BRB. OK, I’m back. So cute, I dotted my i’s with hearts. Swoon.

Yes, the dating game is harsh. And you feel you need to stake you claim on someone. And yes, maybe, you being so territorial MIGHT get you a little extra time in the beginning. But the relationships that happen organically and unforced are the ones that last. So go ahead and keep looking like a desperate little girl, while I sit back like a grown woman sipping on my wine. And like fine wine, I get better with age. Here’s to my girlies in their 30’s.

(Note: Nothing set me off, just blogging.)

Sending smoke signals.

Have you ever noticed that when you move on or better yet, getting it on, your ex randomly calls? Are they spying on you? Or is it some internal alarm that goes off triggering them to pick up the phone and call?

So last night I was hanging out with this hot man, we'll call him Mr. Big.  After Mr. Big left, I checked my phone.  Why did my ex (who I haven't spoke with in months) call me multiple times after 3am? He called from his cell and his house line.  I sent a text back because really, I have no desire to open up any line of communication with him.  But I was concerned as to why he was calling.  His dumb ass replies "Who is this?". And before I could reply, he calls.  He asks "Who is this?". REALLY DOUCHEBAG????  Not only did you call me from your cell but also your house phone. So therefore, you know EXACTLY WHO THE FUCK THIS IS!  He then denied calling me.  So I said "Awesome, LATE." and hung up the phone.  I then got a call back, and "Who the fuck do you think you are, BITCH."  Click.  Seriously?????  I mean, I get it.  I am fucking amazing and you miss me.  But fuck head, you are so last year.   And how do you accidently call me from 2 different lines?  I doubt your house phone is able to butt dial anyone!!!  You looked my number up in your cell and dialed it from your house line.  Yes my dear, you are an idiot.  

But what is the deal with ex's calling at really inconvenient times?  How the hell do they know? After a fun night a few weeks ago, the next day, I had 3 blasts from my past call within minutes of each other!  Did I send a signal into the atmosphere?  Mr. Big said the same thing has been happening to him....do all these people have trackers on us?  Do the sense the fact that we are having a good time without them????  If so, good!  In your face (.)(.)!!!

Opps that wasn’t meant for you!

You hit send and then happen to glance at the sent to name….oh shizz!!!! Sheer panic sets in. Hurry! Think fast!! What am I going to say??? I only have about 30 seconds to get my story straight before that “WTF?!?” text comes back.

A few years ago, it was 2am and I was awoken by a text from a guy I was dating, “Miss you babe”. I fumbled with my phone trying to reply. My tired brain couldn’t figure out how so I just started a new message. “Miss you too!! Wish you were here with me. Xxoo” Send. My blurry vision cleared and my heart stopped. “No, I did not send that message to my BOSSES’ BOSS!!!!!????” From a dead sleep, I was now awake and panicking. He’s married what if his wife sees that? OMG, what is he going to say to me? Do I send another one and say “Opps, that wasn’t meant for you!”? 5, then 10 minutes go by and no response. Maybe he didn’t see it. Of course he did! He sleeps with his phone (company policy). Its 2am, he’ll know it was an accident, right? Nothing was mentioned for weeks. Am I in the clear? Finally my boss tells me that his boss was under the assumption I was dating one of my managers with the same first initial. Which was far from the truth so we laughed.

But how many times have you gotten a text from a guy/girl and knew it wasn’t meant for you???? My girl just caught this guy in a total lie. They were texting back and forth earlier in the day. Then all the sudden he sends “I miss you. Wish you were here.” So she forwards it to him and asks what was this for. And you want to know his excuse? “I didn’t send that message to you or anyone. The lines must have gotten crossed and the message just says it’s from my phone.” Are you kidding me???? Anyone in telecom reading this please let me know if that is possible. Because as far as I know from my 3 years at T-Mobile, can’t happen! And of course he did the whole back peddle and tried to turn it around on her! Really, we aren't dumb douchebags! One time my ex sent me a text from NY "Are you ready for me baby?". I sent back a "WTF?". "I'll be back in a few days just making sure you'll be ready." Dumbass!

Boys, if you are going to be a “player” keep your game tight! Keep your girls straight! And stop slippin!!! Until next time, keeps "sexting"! :)

Matter of perception.

A few months ago I randomly met this guy. He wasn’t necessarily my type but I agreed to go have brunch with him. Prior to the brunch he sent emails and texts saying how excited he was that I agreed. Nice guy but here is where he went wrong.
(Damn, I wish I had the text message log but I only have the email chain to reference.)
2/5 – Asks me out on date.
2/6 – I agree to brunch
2/8 – Brunch date. He proceeds to ask very personal questions. And keeps talking about my eyes. He could tell it was making me uncomfortable but proceeded! I clam up and after brunch and run to my car.
2/9 – Email asking how the rest of my day was after brunch.
2/9 – Email “By the way, I must tell you that you have some of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen...the color and the depth” Ummm, he told me that at brunch about 10x. At this point, I am irritated.
2/9 – Email “p.s. you don’t like compliments do you? LOL” I do, but not the same one over and over again!!!!
This went on and on for about a week. Finally I just said I didn’t have that connection I needed and wished him the best of luck.

So if this guy would have paid attention to my comfort level and slowed his roll, who knows. But I ran for the hills and FAST! He took the nice guy to a douche-bag level. He wasn’t paying attention to the fact he was making me uncomfortable. He was only considered with his own agenda. And when I explained he was making me uncomfortable here was his response “I'm sorry...I'm Italian...and when I feel something I usually express it ;-) whether it my appreciation or disapproval of something...LOL”. Really???????

For the love of a douche-bag.

When did this shift in thinking happen? Women no longer want that nice guy who sends cute messages and flowers. But we want that guy who is careless and leaves traces of the last female at his house. It’s such a screwed up way of thinking but most of us are guilty of it.

You meet a really nice guy. He calls. He’s on time. He engages you in conversation trying to learn more about you. Oh and then he remembers the past conversations you had!

You meet a huge douche-bag. He only texts. You don’t have to worry about him being on time because you always have to go to him. While you talk to him, he’s on his phone texting and nodding like he’s listening. And you are always repeating yourself.

We all cry about finding that nice guy but when we do, we run. We don’t know how to deal with how nice they are. They are accused of being fake and hiding something. “There’s no way he can be this nice!” And we get irritated by it. WTF is that about!?!

Why have we all developed this deep rooted desire to be treated like shit? I’m over that.

New Rules:
1. YOU have to call at least once a week to talk on the phone. We are all busy but if you want to get to know me, pick up the phone. We all have a few minutes in the day!
2. I know you are dating other people, but don’t rub it in my face. Do you come to my house and see evidence? No, you don’t. So don’t leave any for me. It’s really easy. Put that lipstick covered wine glass in the dishwasher and not in the sink. And guys, swiffer the bathroom floor! Last time I checked, I am not a blonde. And if there are long blonde hairs on the floor, swiffer them. It’s really that simple.

I be crushing……

Crushes are the best thing ever! They make your heart race, sweat to build up on your brow and give you butterflies in your stomach. I love that nervous anticipation of seeing them. No matter how old you are, you feel like an awkward kid.

I remember my first crush, Johnny. I was in the 1st grade and he was in the 2nd grade. We would have recess together and I remember always wanting to play near him and watch him. Trying to do things to get his attention. I can’t tell you what he looked like, but I remember the feelings he gave me. I have always been pretty vocal, but around him I doubt I ever said a word. Then I moved, so I moved onto Evan Pence along with every other girl in Crockett/Rodeo/Hercules/Pinole/and beyond. It probably had something to do with Alicia Cromwell running up to me on my first day of school. “That’s Evan Pence and he thinks you’re cute!” Not sure if he ever did think I was cute or if that was Alicia just being Alicia. But even my parents knew about that one! Ah to be 7 again, the innocence of those crushes.

A chance encounter landed me face to face with my recent crush last weekend. At that moment, I realized how big of a crush I had. When I looked up and saw him walking across the room, the whole room stopped and I saw only him. At first, I got scared. “Oh god, who is he with?” I looked behind him to see if a girl was following him in the crowd. With no girls in sight, I am sure a goofy smile erupted on my face.

I be crushing……

Can you pull a rabbit out of that hat?

Last night was my turn to host “family dinner”. I cooked up a big pot of pasta like a good Sicilian girl. And Jillian brought me an awesome surprise, Case!! I love me some Case. So in honor of his presence, we all went out to Green Door after dinner. (Thanks Brittany for styling me.)
Green Door is an awesome venue and Shawnee’s party on Thursdays. So Brittany and I are standing by the bar talking. And this guy comes over and starts chatting with us. He was alright looking and a bit animated. He starts off in normal conversation; where do you live, work, etc. Then he announces “I want to do a magic trick for you guys!” To be honest, I thought he was joking and was going to do something silly. But no he proceeds to pull 2 coins out of his pocket and asks us to each pick one and hold it in our hand. Brittany and I look at each other in total shock. Is this his pick up? Does he REALLY think that MAGIC TRICKS get girls??? Ummm, if you want to impress a 5 year old, do a magic trick. If you want to get in girls pants, sorry this doesn’t work.
Now he is doing his magic tricks and we are just standing there dumbfounded. I was laughing and he probably thought he was amusing me, but I was laughing because I was so embarrassed for him!! I wish I would have had liquid courage to stop him and say “STOP, you are not scoring points here. You are scaring me!”
He continues doing his cheesy tricks and saying how I need to come to the Magic Castle. He’ll give me the full tour. Then starts telling me about the owl at the front door, blah blah blah. Luckily my friends came over and I did the turn towards them and he finally walked away. I avoided eye contact the rest of the evening.
This poor guy is probably a really cool person and can’t figure out why he is single. Or maybe one day, he will meet the girl that loves his tricks. I guess I’ll believe that since I want to believe that there is someone for everyone out there!

No I won't come meet you for a drink!! - My Relationship Blog

So I have decided to start blogging about my dating adventures and my advice for my friends. All names will be changed to protect the innocent/guilty.

Disclaimer: I have recently diagnosed myself with ADD. So follow at your own risk!

So I have been having conversations with a friend about her relationship. Without getting into all the details, the best advice I could give her was this: You can’t make someone be something they are not. Women think that once he loves me, he will be more sensitive, loving, considerate, etc. Ummm, no he won’t! The person he is when you met is who he will be when he dies. If you met an inconsiderate asshole, he will just be an inconsiderate asshole that you love. He won’t care that you are crying, upset and need to hear that he loves you. You can train him to sometimes do those things, but he won’t be able to comfort you the same you would comfort him. And besides, if he was that loving person, you probably wouldn’t like him anyhow! You love his douchebagness. And I can say that because I tend to love me some douchebag!

Speaking of douchebags, my ex is a huge one! But I am completely over him. I know this because I am disgusted by him. If I can no longer imagine his hands on my rockin’ body, it’s a done deal. When we were in NYC, I felt this way. I would look at his finger nails, feet and be grossed out. Before I would over look these things. I was blinded by love (I think I just threw up in my mouth).

So dating sucks! I have never been a fan. But I finally decided it’s time to get out there (so lame). Here’s a bit about some of my dates….I’ll go into details later. Let me know which one you want to hear more about first….
Guy #1 (2 dates) – Awesome guy. Super hot. Too busy. Hasn’t friggin kissed me! WTF!!
Guy #2 (2 dates) – We have a lot in common but no spark. No soup for you!
Guy #3 (1 ½ dates) – Super fun and sexy. But still caught up with his ex. NEXT!!!